The Last Cat You’ll Ever Need

earl-kitchen-floor-400Say goodbye to messy litter boxes, smelly cat food, and being woken up at 2:00 a.m. because “someone” mistook your nose for a catnip mouse. Earl the Dead Cat is the purrrfect maintenance-free pet!

Originally released in 1985, this flat, cuddly, understuffed, and decidedly dead toy cat has been out of circulation for many years. He’s ideal for anyone who can’t have pets, is allergic to cats, travels a lot, or doesn’t want to come home to find the arm of the couch scratched to shreds. Again.

Yes, this is the same Earl the Dead Cat that was on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Twice. Was featured in the Weekly World News. Twice. And until recently was considered a collector’s item.

Earl the Dead Cat came complete with a humorous death certificate listing just a few of the many reasons he’s better than a live cat.

  • Earl doesn’t shed, go into heat, or chase cats that are.
  • He doesn't have to be put out at night. Or let back in at 4:30 a.m.
  • Earl won’t bite or scratch children who pull his tail and spin him around.
  • He won't stare at you like you're crazy when you want to play with him.
  • If you “accidently” back over Earl in the driveway you don’t have to lie and tell the kids he ran away.
  • True he doesn't come when you call him, but then again neither does a real cat!

Earl the Dead Cat is "The Last Cat You’ll Ever Need!"

30+ Reasons Why Earl The Dead Cat is Better Than a Live Cat

It’s true – No self‐respecting cat would ever find himself in these situations, but Earl could – and probably has. Check out our growing list of “101 Reasons Earl The Dead Cat is Better Than A Live Cat” – and Smile!

  1. Earl doesn’t eat smelly cat food.
  2. If you “accidentally” back over Earl in the driveway, you don’t have to lie to the kids about how he ran away.
  3. The kids can use Earl for first base and not have to worry whether he’s wandered off into center field.
  4. One drawback: Earl doesn’t come when you call him. Then again, neither does a live cat.
  5. Earl doesn’t say a word when the kids swing him around by the tail.
  6. Earl doesn’t mind watching Porky’s 3 with you for the 87th time.
  7. Earl doesn’t mind if you take out your bad day on him. And neither does the SPCA.
  8. You can “accidentally” put Earl in the microwave and he won’t explode like your other pets.
  9. Earl won’t hang on your pant leg with his claws embedded in your flesh.
  10. You’ll never mistake his singing for being in heat. In fact, he’s guaranteed never to say a word.
  11. When Earl gets stuck up in a tree you can leave him there. After all, you threw him up there in the first place.
  12. if Earl gets fleas you can seal him in a plastic bag for weeks on end until they all die.
  13. You won’t have to renew your subscription to Cat Fancy magazine.
  14. Earl won’t wake you up howling in the middle of the night because he’s in heat.
  15. You can take Earl on vacation with you to another country and immigration won’t quarantine him.
  16. Earl won’t whine when you feed him, then turn up his nose at the Chunky Tuna Supreme and walk away.
  17. If Earl needs stitches there’s no need for an expensive trip to the vet, you can do it. With a sewing machine if you like.
  18. You don’t have to put Earl out at night or let him in at 3am cause he’s waking up the whole neighborhood with his howling.
  19. There are no health laws against taking Earl to a bar or restaurant.
  20. You can roll over Earl in the middle of the night and he won’t mind a bit.
  21. There’s no need for a pet sitter when you go out of town.
  22. When people ask you what you feed your cat, you can simply say “I don’t”.
  23. If you close a door and Earl’s head is in the way, no big deal.
  24. Earl can get run over by a lawn mower and no one will care.
  25. You can tell Earl to stay the hell off the counters and he will.
  26. Got a messy spill? Earl is much more absorbent than a live cat.
  27. You don’t have to drop Earl off in the middle of nowhere to get rid of him.
  28. There’s no need to drop a couple hundred bucks to get him neutered.
  29. Earl will never, ever throw up a fur ball.
  30. You can take Earl with you on the subway, and ask perfect strangers if they’d like to see your pussy (cat) – and live.
  31. You can drag Earl behind a skateboard all day long and not hear a peep out of PETA.
  32. if Earl gets sprayed by a skunk, you can leave him outside until the smell goes away – No matter how long it takes

If you have some reasons you think Earl the Dead Cat is better than a live cat, let us know!

Finding Earl The Dead Cat

How to get your very own Earl the Dead Cat!

Earl the Dead Cat is out of production. Sorry, kids!

Please check on eBay or Amazon to see if any are available.


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